his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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