A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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