Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
"it" just moved
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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