I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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