dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
