Define "chronic" masturbator.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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