Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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