i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
