I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
