Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
