If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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