He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
