Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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