We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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