The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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