my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
