I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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