Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
