The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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