Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Even my vagina gasped.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
