I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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