I cockslap morals
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want to fling myself into the sun
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
