The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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