dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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