grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
