But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
