Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
