note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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