the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
