I hate all girls vehemently.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
