So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
