...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
