I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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