omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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