I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're a waste of cheezeits
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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