1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
