So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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