I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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