im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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