Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
