drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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