my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
this hospital has no fireball
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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