Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
