good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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