Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
