I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
