im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
