My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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