I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
