Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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