Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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