Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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