he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
