when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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