I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
