it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
