I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
