I can tuck mytits in my pants
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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