The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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