you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
