Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
