Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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